D: Things ain’t like they used to be.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to how my mentality and my attitude toward my body and my weight has changed since the last time I lost weight (2003-2004). In some ways, I’ve come leaps and bounds (although I’m not really coordinated enough to leap and I’m too lazy to bound so we’ll say hop and saunters). I’ve come hops and saunters.

In other ways, I’m exactly the same person, and that’s scary. I think my giv’er mindset was one of my downfalls when I lost weight for the first time, and I find myself relapsing into that mindset every once and again – “I’ll just go hard until I get the weight off and then I can start to relax a bit”.

My experience (note: “experience” refers to regaining the 70lbs I lost in 2003/04 and then some) has illuminated the fact that in order for weight loss to be permanent, I really need to change how my brain works. This, unfortunately, is easier said than done, as was evidenced by my breakdown in the changeroom at Winners this morning upon seeing the cellulite on my thighs,Ā  my belly pooch, my bat wings (or “bingo weeks” as they say in the UK, apparently), and so on and so forth. Rather than have the mentality “I am still trying to lose twenty-some-odd pounds, I’m concentrating more on strength training to help firm up my problem areas, I’ve already lost 80lbs-ish” my mentality is “Oh great, I worked so hard and still don’t look anything like those girls I see around town all the time who have perfect boobs, legs, bellies, etc.

This is an extraordinarily difficult thing for a self-defeating 23 year old to conquer.

But! As of Tuesday I will have a gym membership at a gym where I can take a bajillion classes and I’m excited to add variety to my workouts.

OH OH OH (no, not like Santa, but in the exclamatory sense). In the wake of my interview on Tuesday that I felt meh about, I received a phone call on Wednesday informing me that 3 managers at the government agency responsible for health research pulled my resume for a position in Program Delivery. There are 3 positions available and they just want to meet with me informally to see which one I’m a good fit for. I reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyREALLY want this so please, all of you phantom blog readers, sent me all of your positive brainwaves!!!

Ok, jokes, you can keep some of your positive brainwaves, but send me some ok? Like, most?Ā  šŸ˜€


2 responses to “D: Things ain’t like they used to be.

  • fanofD[and T :) ]

    I can totally relate to your blog. It makes me sad to hear others speak of the same insecurities that I have, but at the same time, I am happy to know there are others out there!
    Can’t wait to hear what you have to say next!

    -fanofD[andT šŸ™‚ ]

    • twesties

      Aww. Thank you, that is very sweet. I’m hoping we can pimp this blog a bit in the future – it’s pretty overwhelming trying to figure all this stuff out. I appreciate you following!

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